A man with no resolve ...

So Christmas is almost done, presents are opened, waistbands expanded and the dust has started to settle. Floors are once again clear of discarded wrapping paper (and those plastic tags that seem to be on every corner of every toy?) and the sound of children bickering fills the air. So in this haze of relief and sadness at the passing of Christmas, our head’s start to clear and we move onto New Year unabated.

And so, there I was, lay in bed this morning, thinking about the New Year and about what resolutions I may be considering. What would be the good intentions that I would / could / maybe set off with into 2012.

So here they are ... but for a man with no resolve, what’s the odds of any of the following happening??

Farts and burps – so apparently it’s not good practice to break wind loudly in front of the kids or teach them to burp ‘We wish you a Merry Christmas’ on demand??  Now I see these as essential life skills and ones that should be actively encouraged during their formative years, however now that they’ve been trained I suppose there’s no problem with trying to stop it myself.  

Abstinence – ha ha… I may say this while drunk at midnight on the 31^st December, but in reality, as if this is possible. The best intentions of a ‘dry January’ will be sadly thrown out of the window by the time I arrive for a family New Year Dinner and have spent 10 minutes in a world of ‘outlaw’ madness.

Television – this year I may reclaim the TV!!!  Ah.. I remember a time, a time before children (yes I have a good memory) it was a lovely time, one where I could get up and read the papers while casually sipping on coffee and watching the news in peace and tranquillity. Then along came my two gorgeous girls and since then my world has moved from Cbeebies through to Nick Jnr and with it my disengagement with my own TV.  Now, I did try to solve this last year with an new extension and a shiny new televsion, but instead now I have two rooms with two different kids channels on.

Clean the car – Every week I set out with the express intention of 'maybe' cleaning my car and every week it rains just enough (well I am up North) to take away just enough of the grime for me to rest easy for another week.  People keep telling me that it’s not self-cleaning like hair is, but I’m not so sure.  

Housekeeping – I will attempt to avoid any further use of the kitchen scissors to perform some downstairs housekeeping.. but hey, we all know you need to trim every now and then and to be fair you don't want them to have to plait it like 'willy nelson' just to get better access or to avoid any uncomfortable ‘hairy moments’!!

Answer the phone – next year I may make a slight effort to answer the phone when it rings and without screening it or deciding that I’m to busy to lean over from the chair and pick it up. My only exception to this rule is for overseas calls, which I answer with relish to discuss how they feel ‘Eastenders’ is going or how their day has been? or even what error messages my PC has allegedly picked up this week! Oh, please just give me back the days of snotty teenagers who’d barely grunt at you from their call centre hell. 

No secret pruning – Ok so I admit that I have a tendency to prune the wife's wardrobe contents without her knowing! Anything I hate or hasn't been worn for ages may happen to go missing... but of course I know nothing?? Now my resolution is definitely not to stop, but maybe this year to re-cycle… well little steps and all that!! ... oh and please don't tell her !!!

Crying – So it’s fair to admit that I'm a proper big softy and nearly always cry at the end of sad films, however, I prefer to think and refer to it as an irritable tear duct. Thing is, it really does need to stop now as I recall I even shed a tear at the end of Toy Story 3. Now that’s really not any good for my girls credibility during a birthday treat with friends!

Enjoy the Gym – Guess we’ve all made resolutions to try to get fit, to lose weight or even get toned. Now I go the gym ‘cause I have to, not because I like it or want to. Every minute spent there is sheer torture and like sticking pins in my eyes but this year I intend to enjoy it or stop altogether and seize up completely!!

Ok, so the likelihood is that once again this year, like many others, I won’t promise myself that I’ll try to do any of the above. Instead of these words and false promises, I’ll probably just try to make a deal with myself to relish life, the people I love and to be true to myself and them. I can’t put rules around what that means, how I live or what I do. People that I care about know me for who and what I am, not what others want or believe I should be and so shall it continue…!!

Happy New Year… One and All !!!